My life is full of challenges at the moment. Here are a few:
- Due to the situation surrounding my breakdown in May I am still separated from my three lovely children.
- The above is also because I’ve chosen to separate from my husband of nearly 14 years. This is not a decision I’ve made lightly, in fact it has been excruciatingly difficult and the emotional stress this has caused contributed to my mental breakdown.
- I’m living in a bedsit on my own. It’s lovely and light, but my children aren’t here and every time I spend time with them and then have to leave I find it really hard.
- One of my children is particularly troubled by all that’s happening.
- I have many hours to myself and when I don’t have much booked I’m find having so much free time can be lonely!
I’m managing fairly well by learning to truly live in the present. A friend of mine recently posted this quote and it’s really stayed with me.
This way of living in the present moment is truly amazing. If I feel upset, or angry, or sad, or joyful, or frustrated…whatever I’m feeling I know it’ll pass. It’s okay and very healthy to be feeling these emotions considering all that is happening. Sometimes I need extra help to get in touch with these emotions and so I’m grateful for my relationship with my therapist, in particular.
I’m also very grateful for friends who are choosing to be available to me during this time. The majority of these are local and fairly new friends seeing we only moved to the UK 10 months ago. I’m amazed and blessed. I make sure I reach out and ask for contact as I know that I will get through this season much better with their support.
One revelation that has been really consolidated through my breakdown experience has been The Power of this Present Moment. If we really slow down we will realize that in each moment we have everything we need. In this moment, even though I may not feel it, I have everything I need.
I have everything I need within me. You have everything you need within you. We don’t need to go looking outside of ourselves for validation and proof of our worth and value. We are enough and valuable just because we breathe.
Relationship breakdowns don’t mean that there is something defective within us. I have said I cannot stay married, but this doesn’t mean that I am a failure. In fact, as I’m learning, being able to say that I choose not to continue being in a relationship that does not nurture my soul is actually a sign of courage. It takes courage to be honest and say when a relationship isn’t working. It takes courage to leave.
I’m not even sure if my ramblings in this post make a complete post, but I offer it up in hopes that it’ll touch someone out there. I know I am far from the only one going through this brand of hard. And so, dear reader, if you can relate and are going through something similar know that you are not alone. Reach out if you like as I’d love to hear from you. I may be a blogger, but my life is far from perfect right now.
I take heart knowing that it will get better.
Love and blessings,
P.S. I have a small but growing group of women in a closed FB group where I am trying to post most days. If you’d like to come and check it out and it resonates with you I’d love to have you join.