Beginning again…

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I’m typing this outside in our little back yard, enjoying a surprisingly summery day in October! I have no idea if anyone who was following me in the past is going to see this, but if you do, “Hello again!”.

Yes, I’ve been away from the blog scene since July last year (2016) due to a rather major life disruption. For some reason, even though I was hiding in certain respects, I never did shut down my blog. I’m glad because it means it’s easy just to pop back now that I’m reemerging into life. Some of the things I wrote may be embarrassing to me if I were to reread them now, but I’ll not be worrying about that. You see, I’ve discovered it really is okay to mess up.

Yep. Amazingly the world didn’t come to an end despite how much mine was turned upside down! And I’m pleased to report that my husband and I reconciled in August last year, with him moving back home in September. Last month we celebrated 15 years of marriage – a miracle considering all I put him through as a result of my illness.

Tuesday this week was World Mental Health Day and I changed my FB profile picture to reflect that. Eighteen months ago I had no idea that 1 in 4 people in the UK will experience a mental health problem in each year. Last year I was one of those. However, I’ve learned just now that only 0.7 in 100 people will experience the type of issue I did in a year…so perhaps I’m rather special after all! LOL.

Posting again today has been spontaneous and I haven’t given any thought to the direction of this blog as yet. However, in reading the blurb on my home page I still feel the same way. Plus life still has many mysteries I’d love to unravel! So here’s to beginning again and continuing life’s journey after extreme trials.

Blessings!

Elizabeth

 

 

 

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Transforming the Hard

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I’m currently reading Conscious Uncoupling by Katherine Woodward Thomas. It’s really good. I’ve just started going through her 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After. I’m looking forward to finding gems that will help me as I negotiate separation with my husband. It’s a really tough time and I’ve been crying lots of tears in the last few days. I’m glad about this as it’s clearly a healthy way to be processing this very sad ending.

While reading I came across the above quote and knew I had to create a meme as it says so beautifully what I’m experiencing these days. As I’m able to bear the hard stuff and let things go of things I cannot control I enter through into a place of peace and being able to live in the moment. It’s something that I’m having to do continually, this letting go and being willing to bear the hard.

I’ve always been one to look for silver linings, for lessons to be learned in the midst of the storms of life. BoatinStormThis current place I’m in is no exception. Yes, it’s stormy, but I know I’m safe and okay in the midst of the storm. When shopping with a friend some weeks ago I found a picture that I knew I needed to buy…it was going cheap as the artist was shutting up shop. It’s been comforting to see myself as that boat well afloat despite the storm.

I’m sure some of you have storms you are navigating right now too. I wish you peace and joy in the midst of them. And an underlying knowing that you are enough, and valuable and special no matter what.

Love and blessings,

Elizabeth

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Living in the Present Moment

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My life is full of challenges at the moment. Here are a few:

  • Due to the situation surrounding my breakdown in May I am still separated from my three lovely children.
  • The above is also because I’ve chosen to separate from my husband of nearly 14 years. This is not a decision I’ve made lightly, in fact it has been excruciatingly difficult and the emotional stress this has caused contributed to my mental breakdown.
  • I’m living in a bedsit on my own. It’s lovely and light, but my children aren’t here and every time I spend time with them and then have to leave I find it really hard.
  • One of my children is particularly troubled by all that’s happening.
  • I have many hours to myself and when I don’t have much booked I’m find having so much free time can be lonely!

I’m managing fairly well by learning to truly live in the present. A friend of mine recently posted this quote and it’s really stayed with me.

7012f24f9828f81e813341418dbd2a80I am learning that I can be at peace in every moment even in the midst of all the hard. I have an underlying peace and knowing that I am enough, I am loved and I am and will continue to be okay.

This way of living in the present moment is truly amazing. If I feel upset, or angry, or sad, or joyful, or frustrated…whatever I’m feeling I know it’ll pass. It’s okay and very healthy to be feeling these emotions considering all that is happening. Sometimes I need extra help to get in touch with these emotions and so I’m grateful for my relationship with my therapist, in particular.

I’m also very grateful for friends who are choosing to be available to me during this time. The majority of these are local and fairly new friends seeing we only moved to the UK 10 months ago. I’m amazed and blessed. I make sure I reach out and ask for contact as I know that I will get through this season much better with their support.

One revelation that has been really consolidated through my breakdown experience has been The Power of this Present Moment. If we really slow down we will realize that in each moment we have everything we need. In this moment, even though I may not feel it, I have everything I need.

I have everything I need within me. You have everything you need within you. We don’t need to go looking outside of ourselves for validation and proof of our worth and value. We are enough and valuable just because we breathe.

Relationship breakdowns don’t mean that there is something defective within us. I have said I cannot stay married, but this doesn’t mean that I am a failure. In fact, as I’m learning, being able to say that I choose not to continue being in a relationship that does not nurture my soul is actually a sign of courage. It takes courage to be honest and say when a relationship isn’t working. It takes courage to leave.

I’m not even sure if my ramblings in this post make a complete post, but I offer it up in hopes that it’ll touch someone out there. I know I am far from the only one going through this brand of hard. And so, dear reader, if you can relate and are going through something similar know that you are not alone. Reach out if you like as I’d love to hear from you. I may be a blogger, but my life is far from perfect right now.

I take heart knowing that it will get better.

Love and blessings,

Elizabeth

P.S. I have a small but growing group of women in a closed FB group where I am trying to post most days. If you’d like to come and check it out and it resonates with you I’d love to have you join.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1082731435124092/

I’m Having a Breakthrough…

Brokenness is often the road to breakthrough. Be encouraged. Tony Evans

The last 6 weeks have been intense for me, leading up to and including a breakdown. I’ve been in recovery now for over two weeks and am really starting to feel much more myself. It’s been a hell of a time but also heaven as I’ve been able to slow down and stop and focus on just looking after me.

There are big and difficult changes happening in my life but I’m feeling extremely grateful to be able to say that I’m feeling so very well supported. This year I have reached out to people in a new way and in my time of need I have been surrounded and supported by people who care about me.

I wrote a list on Monday of those who are supporting me and supportive and I reached sixty-two, and these people are in England, Germany, Netherlands, Sri Lanka, USA, Canada, New Zealand and Australia. My local friends, who I’ve met just since arriving in the UK in August last year, have been a particular blessing. I’m so grateful and appreciative of their loving friendship.

What have I learned through this experience? So much. So much in fact that I feel I need to write a book or two to capture it all! So I’ll be getting to work on that in a while, once I give myself time to heal properly!

Wishing you every blessing, and I encourage you to reach out and build relationships that go two ways – giving and receiving. You never know when you might need them!

Love and Blessings,

Elizabeth